There are a million ways to start a successful business and there are at least two millions ways to mess it up. The worst of those two millions ways is when you become your own opponent.
Most people don’t do it on purpose. They want to succeed. Desperately. They invest in their business. Financially and emotionally. They work long hours to build their dream. And -miracle of miracles- after a while things start going well.
Clients are happy. Cash is coming in. The future is looking brighter every day. And then this inner voice starts nagging you:
Read the rest of this story in my new book. Click on the cover to access the website and get a sneak peek. Use the buttons to buy the book.
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Powerful blog, you hit on so many great points for success not only in the chosen profession but in life itself. Thanks yet again for the thoughtful and inspiring words.
In high school we had a friend that every one picked on because he was different. Fast forward 25 years to our first high school reunion. Everyone was hoping for him to attend to apologize for our behavior. We have kids now, and we understand that we did wrong, we grew up. But he didn’t go. And it was very sad to accept that he was never going to forget those years. Do reconsider attending your high school reunion, you might be pleasantly surprised.
Oh Paul…I had something so thoughtful, relative, and almost poetic to write in response to this particular blog, but I decided to keep it short. I cried. And I needed to. All better now.
Dear colleagues, your words never fail to touch me. I agree with you, Memo. Sometimes we have to challenge old beliefs by facing them head on, instead of hanging on to old concepts that have served their purpose.
Debby, I’m sending some virtual hugs your way!
Thanks for the great reminder today! I especially loved the “Lessons learned”. It reminded me of something I heard a long time ago. Pat Sajak was being interviewed about his lengthy success with the game show “Wheel of Fortune” while other shows would come and go. They asked him if that made him happy to have survived the competition and in essence, put them out of business. He said, no, there is not a finite amount of success and if another one became popular he was excited for them, not threatened by them!
It is funny how we can be our own best friends and our own worst enemies. (Are we ourselves, then, the ultimate “fren-emy?) Perhaps there is some solace to be found in the fact that the little negative voice in our heads also exists in just about everyone else’s. Even the mega-watt stars of stage, screen, etc suffer from moments of self-doubt. How many A-list actors have gone on record as saying that they can’t watch their own work? Creative types, while gifted and talented, also tend to be hyper self critical and highly reactive to judgment from others.
As in most things in life, we tend to remember the negative things people say about us, rather than the positive. In a lot of cases, these seemingly negative criticisms are actually constructive suggestions that we have misconstrued. The next time someone says something nice about you or your work, store it away in your mind for a rainy day. The next time you have the urge to get down on yourself, remember that little tidbit and it may work wonders on your overall outlook. Another strategy is to flip negative energy around and make it a “challenge.” Use it then to drive and motivate rather than defeat you.
We all know practice makes perfect, but it can also be another helpful tactic in combating self esteem issues. If you are confident, solid, and prepared in your craft, then you can be secure in knowing that you are more than competent to execute a job well done.
So the next time the little voice rears its ugly head, rather than indulge it, make an active decision to err on the side of positivity. You may be surprised at the effect it may have on your overall happiness in every aspect of your life.
Creative people always have self-doubt. It’s part of what drives us. But we also must have a thick skin. Now, I still have a long way to go to become the fully self-assured voiceover I aspire to be, as it’s only been 3 years. Luckily, my coach—the great Marla Kirban—is there for me. When I have a BIG audition, I first run my mp3 by her for comment before submitting to my agent. More often than not, she loves what I’ve done and that’s a big win for me, even if I don’t get the gig.
As a long-time advertising creative guy, I like to say I’m a great admirer of my own work, because someone has to be. It’s that confidence and self-assurance I hope to achieve as a VO.
Thanks as usual, Paul, for a thought-provoking essay.
Paul what a brilliant blog. As I was reading I was thinking “Oh my God… that’s ME he’s describing!” Most of us seem to be fighting the same self-doubt. It’s taken years of struggling to get to this level of self esteem and I have to have a little talk with myself EVERY DAY! ;o)
I forget the name of the A list actor, that said he was always waiting for everyone to figure out what a fraud he was… he felt like he was just faking it till he was found out. I guess I will just keep faking it too. :o)
Actors are faking it all the time anyway, and the best fakers get a star on the Hollywood Boulevard and an Oscar for their performance. We live in a weird but wonderful world!
It was deeply painful to recognise almost all you say. All except the positive outcome. I worked for many years for a large international broadcaster. Last year they made me redundant. I have been largely unemployed for six months. I am the least pushy person in the world, the idea of promoting myself absolutely kills me. I know I present confidently and warmly in public, and that people have absolutely no idea of the crippling lack of confidence in self-promotion which is so crucial to surviving in this industry. I spend a lot of time helping other people, but don’t seem to have any ability to help myself. I am genuinely terrified of my future. Thank you for your words, Paul … I long for the day when I can turn this shit around.
Nice to know I’m not the only one who feels the way you do, Paul! I, too, was the last-kid-picked but the first-kid-picked-on due to the fact that I actually took school seriously and did homework and such. I’ve also never been to a high school reunion for that reason; it’s easier to forgive than to forget. It’s particularly difficult for me to accept myself because, although I ended up being the valedictorian, going to college, working in radio for 25 years, and am now running my own business (struggling, but trying to keep afloat)…I keep coming across former class clowns and bullies who are actually making more money than I am! (Not that dollars equal success, of course – but I still wonder sometimes if I’d have been better off ditching a class now and then or turning in some homework late!) But thanks, anyway, for sharing your thoughts and observations – I can definitely connect with them!
Moe, I believe that was Eddie Murphy – I remember reading that a couple years ago and it gave me a newfound respect for him!
what a wonderful article, Paul. As Bruce said, self-doubt seems to be part and parcel with being an artist. I think it’s that feeling of not-quite-hitting-the-mark that keeps us striving to get better at what we do. When I was working as an actress I realized at one point that I would never fully figure it out. The journey never ends and the challenges just keep coming. But as we progress along our chosen path, those questions and challenges are very different from the ones we ask at the outset.
Over the years I have observed that the most gifted among us are the ones plagued with the worst cases of self-doubt. Isn’t that strange? My own husband is a prime example. He’s very talented (he is a commercial director). He is able to put everyone at ease because of the confidence he exudes. No obstacle is too great…no problem cannot be solved. People love to work with him because he can create order out of chaos and he can take charge of seemingly any situation. I have seen him do this and I very much admire it. But when the clients and the agencies are all gone and it’s just him and me…..OH MY. It’s a different story.
I think it’s really important for every artist to have a cheerleader. A number one fan to remind them that they ARE talented and that they DO have the skills to slay the beast.
This is a fascinating article! Thank you 🙂 It’s so true that many of us intentionally do something bad in order to feel good, such as over-eating, or even smoking. I’ll be sure to make a note of your response to this… ‘Learning to separate the negative behaviour from the positive intention, which is a key to positive change’.