For most of my life, I have been running away from my emotions.
I grew up believing that showing emotions was a sign of weakness.
Strong people keep everything inside. They don’t lose their temper. They don’t act impulsively. Strong people are always in control.
Strong people stay detached in order to make rational decisions. They look at facts and disregard feelings.
In my old-fashioned model of the world, it was okay for women to be emotional. Being strong was masculine, and I wanted to be a “real man,” whatever that meant.
STAYING SANE
Looking back, this attitude of “nothing affects me” might have been a…
…it should not be taken as a disagreement to your writing, Paul, when I add that in a state of deep depression, there is the great risk of letting that mood color any voiceover read. and if left unchecked, it can start poisoning friendships as well, even the best of them. i speak from past (and, one hopes, a corrected) experience.
Rowan, deep depression can turn the painter’s palette from colored into black, white and gray, thus severely limiting the picture we’re trying to paint. At that point, the depth of the emotion can seem to completely take over, to the point where we become very ineffective as actors.
It’s easy for me to say that one must manage one’s emotions. Sometimes we just can’t pull ourselves out of a pit by our own hair. That’s when outside help is needed.
At first, I didn’t know who to address first, but the blog owner and author wins the coin toss.
Paul, once again you’ve struck a nerve, in a completely good way, by revealing some of the facets that make us human, first, and actors, second. A couple of times, I found myself thinking, “Wow… that’s me.”
And, Rowell, congratulations and thanks for sharing your experience. I, too, know first-hand that end of the emotional spectrum and still deal with the occasional return engagements because I’m more afraid of – shall we say – ‘fringe by-products.’
Mike, those who toss coins know they can’t do it without change. Small change, big change… it all depends. Part of life is about peeling away the layers and finding out what’s underneath. It takes courage to do that; courage to overcome the fear. Overcoming that fear ultimately leads to freedom.
Fantastic and wise advice once again Paul …. ’emoting’ is easy – and though it can appear effective, it is, to put it politely, mere self indulgence; and has no place in the professional actors’ toolbox … how impossible would it be to do a pickup if your ‘performance’ is out of control and is simply your own raw emotion. It is one of the most important lesson to learn as an actor – technique is your friend! You must learn the technique of recognising the true emotion from your experiences, then using that knowledge in a controlled way, so that you can recreate it truthfully, but safely – without tearing yourself to pieces, for every performance or every retake. . controlling and recreating a performance that appears spontaneous and truthful is so much more difficult … and much more professional – but it is the only way to survive and stay sane!
Helen, I totally agree. When people argue in real life, proper articulation often goes out of the window. When people argue on stage or in the movies, we should be able to understand every single word. Yet, at no point should we get the feeling that what they’re doing sounds unnatural and contrived. Controlled spontaneity is the name of the game.
Another well-written post, Paul. Emotions can affect voice when working in sales, as well – even if you don’t think it’s coming through, it often is. That’s why it’s important to know how to keep things in check. For example, I was working in radio when 9-11 happened and was on the air from 6am that day until 7pm, reporting news, recording phonecalls, etc. – it wasn’t until I got home around 8 that night that I sat down in the sofa an started crying, because it was all finally hitting me.
That must have been some day, Matt. With so much news coming in from so many sources at such a frantic pace, it’s impossible to let emotions take over. But there’s always an aftershock!
Paul, I applaud you for finding the inner strength to tear down that wall behind which our emotions lurked. I am still struggling with my wall.
A good client/friend lost his wife to a sudden illness and asked me to deliver his eulogy on his behalf, as he felt unable to deliver it without collapsing in grief. I studied his script (an excellent writer) and was prepared, but at the last minute he handed me a new one he had written that morning. His words, new to me, laid bare his fathomless love for the partner he had lost, and I had my emotional lid ripped open by those words! Somehow, I managed to finish the eulogy without a complete breakdown. But I was completely exhausted, and achingly envious of the relationship these two people had shared.
Now I am even more terrified of what might be under my emotional lid, and I still don’t know where the handle is. I consider it my greatest handicap. But thank you for giving me encouragement to continue trying to open up.
Hi Joe, I consider my voice to be a gift, and isn’t it a privilege to be able to use it, eulogizing someone who has passed? Even though it wasn’t the easiest thing to do, it was my way of honoring my friend. It sounds like you were a tremendous help to your client/friend.
And as far as opening up is concerned, all of my fears of what might happen if I did, were all constructs of my imagination. Why not use that imagination to think of all the positive things that might happen?
Paul, thanks for revealing those true emotions.
There is a delicate balance at play as an actor or voice actor. I’ve found that difficult to obtain sometimes. Actually, I’ve worked on a few scripts recently that just choked me up at certain points. Often because of some personal account or philosophy.
Like you, I wasn’t brought up in a creative atmosphere at home. And found myself being quiet up in my room, never being encouraged to be creative, use my natural abilities in art and music. It held me back. My father was a traditional, hard working Texas man who saw no need for anything of interest to me and let me know it often.
It took many years, and leaving home, getting out of the US Navy and settling to become comfortable with my creative nature. Now, I can be more of a wuss than people may think. Just enough, I hope, to make my work interesting.
As they say, thanks for sharing!
Hi Rick, childhood experiences and decisions we unconsciously made because of those experiences, can be like shoes that we’ve outgrown. They no longer fit and it hurts as we walk in them, but somehow, we hold on to them for all kinds of reasons. It’s freeing to be able to trade them in for a pair of comfy sneakers or -in your case- cowboy boots that are just made for you!
BTW I’ve been following your studio construction on Facebook. It’s going to be some amazing space!
Another great article, Paul. Thanks.
Thanks again for another thought-provoking blog. Having been a pastor for 13 years now, I can relate to the very real necessity to be what we call in “the biz” a “non-anxious presence” at times of anxiety, grief or sorrow for our parishioners. I have a feeling this experience will serve me well in voice-acting.
Although, much as you shared in your article, after having to put on the brave face for so many years in my job, for a while, anyway, I felt a little dead inside. I remember sharing this with a counselor. When my dad died of cancer in 2006, I was surprised that I didn’t seem to be able to shed many tears. I loved my father, and he was a loving dad. Certainly not perfect, but damn near. I was able to give a moving eulogy extemporaneously. I wasn’t going to write a script like my brothers did because I didn’t want it to feel like work. Back then, I was still writing out my sermons.
A couple of years later, I was asked to speak at a Veterans Day commemoration at the local high school. I had previously shared with the woman who invited me to speak that my father had a moving story that he left me in his memoirs about how the American G.I.s had rescued him from the work camps that the Nazis had established in the Netherlands after invading their country. The story included how they also provided safe passage for them to be reunited with their parents and sisters. It was difficult to get through that speech, but the catch in my voice expressed the genuine depth of my feelings both at what my father had to endure under the Nazi occupation, and my depth of gratitude to our brave veterans, without whom I would never have been born, really. They made it possible for my father to eventually experience his dream of becoming an American citizen, and then, meeting my mother. Together they raise three grateful boys.
Anyway, long story shortened just a bit, since that time, I have been able to let my emotions show themselves, but it still can be like pulling teeth. I guess it depends. Rod Stewart was right when he sang that we all need a little “Passion,” bearing in mind what St. Paul says about there being no law against “self-control” among other virtues.
Paul, thank you for so eloquently expressing the work of the actor and the challenges of being an artist. Whether you are a voice actor, a stage actor, a singer, instrumentalist, a painter or a writer, the challenge is the same. The medium might change, but the work of the artist remains the same, and that work is to be a channel to express the human condition.
Thankyou Paul for encouraging us to share our sensibilities. To show emotions is not incompatible with strength: to shut them out may well be to take the more cautious route, evading further responses from inside or from others.
Yes, I do know what it’s like to be thrown off balance by personal emotion at the mic. I coped with Fern Hill at my father’s funeral, but choked when I tried to record it for a project. A good private bawl into a pillow got it away, and then I could be a ‘pro’ again if a bit snuffly.
Really open and interesting read Paul. I’m an emotional person and it can be hard sometimes to keep those under control. But ultimately, emotions mean you care about what you do and that is important to understand.
From a performance point of view, for me, it’s not seeing/hearing the extreme of the emotion itself that is the compelling part as an audience member, it’s the person dealing with/struggling against/reacting to said emotion (eg trying not to cry over actually crying) So I try to remember that.
Nicola
What a fascinating article… I understand exactly what you mean when describing your feeling of resentment and anger whilst suppressing emotions. I believe that using your whole range of emotion enables you to be a more professional voice actor!